Most people like the holidays. Thanksgiving turkey, Christmas cookies, New Year’s toasts all have special meaning with special memories attached. But for some people it is a difficult time of year. Maybe they lost someone special this past year, have health problems, feel all alone, have financial difficulty or have relationship issues that make celebration not so much fun. Understandably, they do not look forward to the holiday season. I have been there, and know just what that feels like. When I lost my husband and my daddy in two short days just a few weeks before the holidays, I thought I would never celebrate again. I wanted to hide away and wish the holidays gone. Finally I went to a local shelter kitchen where my sweet late husband had volunteered for years and served thanksgiving dressing. I still felt sad and lost and all alone, but my perspective changed. I realized my brand of sadness and suffering was not unique. All people suffer and experience loss and hurt. It is that which makes us human. As I served dressing and met some folks who were struggling as well, I felt less alone in my struggles. I cannot tell you the holidays were great, but I can tell you I saw them differently.

The very best way to deal with the holiday blues is to find a place where you can give to someone else. Serve a meal, bake cookies, help with gift wrapping, volunteer or give to someone who needs a little help this year. You don’t have to have extra money or lots of talent. You just have to be willing to do something considerate, be of service or go the extra mile for someone else. You have to be willing to look outside of yourself. When you give to someone else, you take the focus off of yourself. You think less about what you do not have or wish was different when you think about giving what you do have to someone else. It is hard to feel sad or hopeless when your focus is outside of yourself and fully on someone else, even just for a little while. Grief is normal and loss is a hard thing. We all experience hard times and life struggles, but just a little bit of selfless service will improve your outlook this holiday season. You might make a new friend, learn a new skill, find a new talent or interest, or develop a new memory
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It won’t solve the problems in life, but they will seem smaller and maybe feel more manageable when you take a break, reach out and touch another. If you need help finding a way to give contact a church or local service agency. Many people could use an extra hand, a caring friend or a listening ear during the holiday season. The best part of it is the greatest gift of giving is the gift you give yourself. You get a new perspective. I still needed time before I wanted to want to have celebrations and family holidays again, but that first year, looking past my own circle of despair allowed me to see that there was another sunrise and another sunset outside of the darkness of my holiday blues and eventually the sun would rise and the blues would lighten and I would feel better. Giving without expecting any return helped me find the truth in that. Try it yourself this holiday season.