Sure, they talk back, roll their eyes, and tune you out, but take heart, parents! Your moody, growing, changing, baffling children need you like crazy. In fact, there is a mountain of research to tell you what your school-age kids would tell you, if they did not have to maintain their image!

“You’re the most important person in my life!”

As kids mature, they depend less on parents and typically gravitate toward peer groups for advice, affirmation, and approval. But do not underestimate the amount of leverage you can continue to have in your child’s life.

A recent survey by National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy asked teens who were most likely to influence their decisions about whether to have sex: friends or parents. Only 32% answered “friends”, while 38% said parents were their biggest influence. Research shows that teens who feel connected to their parents do better in school and experience fewer typical adolescent problems, such as emotional distress, drug use, and early sexual involvement.

“I need boundaries!”

They most likely will never openly thank you for having a set of house rules, but kids are happier and better adjusted when they know what is expected. Numerous studies have demonstrated the importance of parameters for kids. Family rules and consistent discipline have been linked to lower rates of tobacco use and delinquency as well as better school performance.

When it comes to moral issues, make a real effort to model biblical standards and reinforce them during your regular family discussions. Guidelines on such things as curfew, Internet and cell phone use, TV time, and household responsibilities must be communicated clearly and enforced consistently.

“I want to be noticed!”

Kids are hungry for more parental attention, and if they do not get it from positive reinforcement, then they will get it from “being bad”.

Divorce and long work hours often keep parents from being as accessible as children would like. A “Nickelodeon” poll recorded that 36% of kids between the ages of 9 and 14 said they would like to spend more time with their mothers, and 45% wished for more time with heir fathers. While 92% of parents surveyed said they were very interested in their children’s schoolwork, only 73% of kids agreed.

Nearly 30% of college-bound high school seniors said they would like their parents to be more involved in the college selection.

No matter how independent our children act, we must stay involved in their lives, showing interest in their activities, and be available when that teen is ready to talk!

“I am tempted to compromise just to fit in!”

It is no secret that most preteens and teens crave the acceptance of peers. While that is a normal desire, it often leads to destructive behavior. That same “Nickelodeon” poll recorded that 42% of children between 9 and 14 said fitting in was a major concern, and 37% admitted worrying a lot about being popular. Many kids felt pressured to cheat (48%), smoke pot (36%), and have sex (40%).

Kids who are assertive in their convictions and know how to weigh the consequences of their actions are less likely to use alcohol, tobacco and marijuana, even if friends and siblings choose to do so!

“Those corny things we do are kind of cool!”

Family traditions are important! They bring family members together, promote interaction, create memories, and build common bonds. Various studies have associated family rituals and routines with adolescents’ sense of personal identity, children’s health, academic achievement, and stronger family relationships. Just sitting around the family diner table is extremely beneficial – and it does not even have to be a home-cooked meal!

“You are my hero!”

In a survey by the National Institute of Mental Health, more than half of respondents between the ages of 12 and 17 said they had a role model. 40% named an athlete, singer, or other famous character as their hero, while 42% named a parent or relative. Those who knew their role models personally had higher grades and self-esteem than those who looked up to celebrities.

“Your stress affects me!”

A recent report published in the Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine shows that as much as parents may try to conceal their anxiety, stress affects the entire family. The analysis revealed that children whose parents and families are experiencing stress have more frequent bouts of illness with fever.

A wise parent will learn to redeem the time of that ride home after work. It can be as easy as meditation on a favorite Scripture passage or listen to a favorite Gospel CD. The point is to decompress before greeting the children.

“I need you to interfere!”

Parents of adolescents often walk a tightrope of trying to nurture without stifling their children’s growing sense of autonomy. But, preteens and teens are not adults and need parental love and guidance now more than ever. An Ohio State University study found that kids who have supervision and good relationship with parents are less likely to associate with delinquents and troublemakers.

I always had a policy when raising our kids. They knew that they could always come to me and ask me to say “No!” before they asked a question. They felt it was often easier for them to say, “Dad says no” than it was for them to just say “No”! I was honored that we had that relationship.

“I want you to expect great things out of me!”

A lot of criticism has been leveled against parents who push their kids toward unrealistically high levels of achievement. While that kind of pressure is unhealthy, it can be just as harmful to express no expectations for a child. When kids are tempted to settle for anything less than their personal best, they need loving reminders of their unique abilities and potential to do great things.

A White House publication dealing with adolescent substance abuse states, “The parent who communicates clear expectations of behaviors, clear values, and expectations for educational standards and goals, and proactive ways to manage stress and conflict in a positive manner develops resilient behaviors in the child.”

“Hearing you talk about God is important to me!”

Parents who regularly attend church and talk to their kids about their faith have progeny who are happier and better behaved, according to a Mississippi State University study. Their survey involved 16,000 kids and found the children from church-attending homes worked better with peers and had better self-control and more respect for others compared to kids from nonreligious families.