We have all seen it! Sometimes I have seen people sitting at the same table talking to each other by “thumb”! We have seen people walking into poles on city streets and one clip even showed someone falling into a fountain. In many cities, it is now against the law to text and drive, yet how many, although we would never do it, have seen others swerving on the road due to texting?
I get it! I believe it is an attempt to increase conversation. We all know that most relations suffer from a lack of talking, so we use the modern technology to help us. I know those who spend much more time with their “long texts” than they would have spent had they simply talked on the phone. I know others who are losing the art of conversation (and spelling) because phones are used for more than talking – “Can you hear me now?”
Each conversation is an investment in the life of those with whom you are conversing. Have a lot of person-to-person talks and they will pay handsome dividends down the road. Like many investments, it takes a long time to see the account build and the return to be noticeable, but sooner or later, the payoff will come.
Here are some principles to help us create a warm, open environment where relations can flower and produce good fruit:
Connections take an investment of time!
Much real communication is hindered because someone feels uncomfortable with certain topics, so we conclude that not talking is better than talking. A relationship is built by a free flow of ideas. Surely, there are some topics that should not be attacked with some people, but for those with whom we desire a close relationship, very few topics should be left “off the table”. We must learn to have good discussions, with open interaction and mutual respect, to set the stage for a lasting friendship. It may take more time to talk than to “idk.” but the investment will be worth the extra effort.
Learn to learn!
None of us are experts on any subject. We do not know more about any subject than many others. Often we miss an opportunity to sow into someone’s life because we believe we know so much more that their ideas have little merit. Who has lived long enough to see any situation from ever perspective? Who has thought of every possible angle to the subject? It is therefore important for everyone in any relationship to learn to listen as much as they talk – that will enhance meaningful dialogue.
Learn to ask great questions!
One of the most important communication tools for any relationship is the ability to ask great questions. All questions are not equal, but there are no “dumb questions”, other than those not asked! Every question should be treated with the same weight of importance and value. Not some questions are rhetorical to the points that are actually statements: “What were you thinking?” These are conversation stoppers. But the best questions are meant to draw out a person who says, “Tell me more about that.”
Apologies and forgiveness are imperative!
All of us mess up! Many long standing disputes could be easily defused by an “I was wrong! I am so sorry! Please forgive me!” An apology says, “I get it now and realize how hurtful that was for you, and I am deeply sorry. I want to open myself up to you, but I need your help. I will mess up again, but I am stepping onto the road today to improving us!”
As important as the apology is, forgiveness is even more important. “Those who refuse to forgive will not find forgiveness for themselves” is the message Jesus taught. The ability to put offenses behind us is a huge stop in the right direction to open or keep communication lines open.
Watch the body language!
Research indicates that body language accounts for 50 to 70 percent of communication. We may not be aware of the impact of facial expressions, eye contact, and other nonverbal cues, but they powerfully shape the message we send and receive. The smile or frown, crossed or relaxed arms, etc. may reinforce what we ar saying or it may completely contradict our words.
Not only should we watch our body language, but also the body language of those with whom we are communicating. It will help insure there is a free flow of ideas.
Study your friend!
We are static creatures. We are enormously complex and ever changing. Gender, personality, experiences, and age all play vital roles in how we process the ups and downs of life. Once we assume we know a friend, we will begin taking them for granted and begin losing them. It is vital that we understand we are all changing, because we are always growing. Ideas of yesteryear may be greatly different from our thoughts of today or tomorrow. Love and acceptance will help us grow long standing relationships.
True communications can not be gained by the use of “emojis” or symbols. I have said it often and believe it to be true. “Acquaintances text, friends talk!” Enter every relationship with the goal of learning how to be a better you by learning about them and our communication skills will grow. Remember the old telephone slogan, “Let your fingers do the walking.” Well, refuse to allow those same fingers to do your talking!
