My sister visited me recently and gave me a copy of her pastor’s book, “The Trek”. I have been reading it and decided to take my article from his inspiration. I was never a kid who lacked self-esteem because my parents helped me understand who I was in my societal self. We moved to a new community in my senior year of High School, and I was elected Student Council President by the entire student body. I was called to be a preacher when I was 14 and immediately began trying to live a life that was pleasing to my Lord, as well as I understood it. I have never claimed perfection, but I do have a record of living a moral life, even in my formative years.
Some teach that the best years are when we are between the ages of twelve and twenty. Robert McGee, the author of “The Search for Significance” disagrees. “If these are the best years, then life is a cruel joke. Young girls starving themselves to be thin is no joke. Young men dealing with anger is no joke. A spirit of depression and hopelessness is no joke. Suicides are no joke!”
Adolescents are often overwhelmed with these pressures. Parents are so ill prepared that they seem to be of little help. We parents had similar experiences, but we lived in a different world, with totally different stresses.
As parents, how do we help our children answer exceptionally difficult questions of life? “Do people like me?” “Am I good enough?” “Would things be better without me?” “Is what ‘everyone’ says about me true?”
Young people need to find their spiritual identity and purpose. As parents, we need to point out that changes, challenges, frustrations, and growth encountered during adolescence greatly contribute to our child’s overall development. When we as parents remind our children of God’s presence, love, concern, and involvement in all aspects of our lives, kids often understand the same God will likewise care for them.
There seems to be a lack of foundational attention. We are always looking for the latest fix, the latest fashion, or the latest “fav”! Constantly we need to be directing our children to stop looking for answers from their peers, who have no more life experience than they, and to trust their own minds. The moment we begin comparing ourselves with others, we always will come up short, because we never know who those others really are on the inside.
In our kids’ circle of acquaintance, there are those who are selfie-junkies – the camera is always focused on them. Most of the time, I find these youth are searching for positive feedback about themselves and their image. I also find these that often these are the youth who find themselves on juvenile probation.
Everyone needs to know that the same God Who created the beaches, redwood forests, and the hunting leases also created us as masterpieces. God intelligently designed our minds, bodies, features, and personalities as uniquely and individually as He did leaves from our favorite flowers. It is such a travesty that many parents have never grasped this truth and are in a constant search for their identity! Is it any wonder that our children suffer the same confusion?
When we truly learn to love, accept, appreciate, and embrace who God made us – in our perfections and imperfections – we can them share a self-image that is healthy! Comparisons, criticisms, and self-doubt will make it more difficult to fulfill our spiritual destiny.
Samuel Langhorne Clemens, Mark Twain to most of us, said, “The two most important days in a person’s life are the day they were born and the day they find out why!” As people who are committed to loving our offspring, we must be listening to our kids as they search for the “why” of life. There will be many recognizable signs to the mature adult that are often unseen by the child. Once the “why” is discovered, we must be supportive and help develop those talents.
It is not easy to be the kid – and it is not easy to be the adult, but with the Lord’s assistance, together we can learn a healthy self-esteem that will successfully reach our full potential and an eternity with our Creator!
