While typing on my computer in my office, Pastor Joane is in Victoria awaiting the birth of our first great granddaughter. Ariel (our oldest granddaughter) and Hunter are experiencing the whole mystery of life itself, the miracle of motherhood. And in the plan of God, there is no time in life when we are not in some way touched by our mothers, even after our mothers have passed. The demands and responsibilities of being a mom are at least as commanding as they are joyous.
Motherhood begins with love – hopefully, of a wife for the husband, and equally, of a husband for his bride. I am old-fashioned enough to find it hard to believe love is real when the commitment of marriage is absent! Love is a self-giving relationship in which there is mutual respect, mutual admiration, open communication, and joy in each other’s presence. This is where motherhood should begin.
Motherhood should become a possibility only when a child is truly wanted – by both mother and father. Each child has this right! Even when the child is unplanned, it has the right to be desired and loved.
I believe that much of the child abuse in our society is the result of unwanted children. When infants and children make demands upon parents who do not even want them, the stage is set for those parents to respond in irrational ways. In the middle of an already sleepless night, a baby cries and cries and cries. That is a very difficult problem even for those who absolutely want the child. But for those who do not, it is impossible – beyond tolerance – beyond reason.
Psychological abuse can take place when a child is unwanted. One child is singled out. He or she becomes, without any justification, the black sheep of the family. When anything goes wrong, the whole family knows whom to blame.
Every child has the right to be wanted and loved unconditionally. Parents should be able to say and act accordingly. “You do not have to do anything to earn our love.” Even those strange and wonderful adolescents should feel this kind of acceptance.
Every woman should know that it is anti-Christian to believe her value is based upon her decision or ability to bring children into the world. Yes, God did say to the human race, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth.” When I was about to get married, Dad came to me and told me, “Son, God has already filled the earth and He does not need your help in keeping it filled!” Yes, “Children are a blessing of the Lord,” but adoption is an option that is still available! Wanted children are those for whom we can provide materially, emotionally, and spiritually. And every child has the right to be wanted!
The unique bond between mother and child is established before birth. Mother is providing for baby from conception. Every mother has known for a long time that someone is living inside her. The care of a child must begin before birth for the child to be healthy!
Just think about all that goes on during those years in which we are directly responsible, legally and morally, for our children. In the very beginning, parents are responsible for meeting all of the baby’s needs. This is symbolized in no better way than a baby at its mother’s breast.
Satisfying the baby’s physical needs is paramount in the earliest days, but soon other needs must be satisfied also. There are safety needs, love, affection, and belonging needs, esteem needs, and so on. Satisfying the physical needs shows through the years as the child becomes more physically capable. But personal love and support are always needed, and mothers have a special way of proving this, even when we are grown.
During the growing-up years, there are a great many tasks to accomplish. There are traumas in maturing – from a skinned knee to rejection by a high school sweetheart – and motherly comfort helps most of all.
But as I see it, the greatest need is for mothers to prepare their children for eternity. In fact, I see it as abuse to bring a child into this world and not help him or her become ready to face God! Remember, we are not simply raising children – we are bringing eternal souls to planet earth, and they will have to determine their eternal destiny! I believe the church will assist mothers in this task, but the church can not do it all. Mothers should teach their children to pray, study the Bible, and most importantly, accept Jesus Christ as their own personal Savior and Lord.
Motherhood does not stop when the children are “grown” – whatever that means! there are new ways to relate to one’s mother, for sure, but the need for Mother and her need for us continues so long as the Lord graces us with life.
Men, we have not forgotten your importance in the “hood,” but we will talk to you next month!
