This is a hard one to write, that is if I’m going to be honest in this space.

It’s a couple weeks or so until Thanksgiving at the time of writing and the next two months plus will be the Christmas holiday season, maybe even sooner as the ads on television seem to think it started at midnight on Halloween.

So I can take the high road or the low road and I really have no idea who will come to clarity before the other depending on which path they take.

On the high road we have this is a time of thanks, of peace, of love, be it they buy into the true message or not (not to mention they can love and promote peace year around too, but shhh I think it’s a secret), it just is, if I truly chose love over hate, then it should be an easy path to walk.

That low road though, it’s so honest, it speaks of days passing by without purpose, it shows how the cupboards are empty more than anytime before in my life, shows how many things I just don’t want but I need, from basics like clothing or a haircut to other ‘basics’ like a hug or a real moment with someone in front of me in real life I can ‘feel.’

These are not the whims of some Christmas list but real needs.

Some things are byproducts of the past, like anyone’s life, some are new avenues of being brought on by the last couple years of struggle…at times I chafe on the material, I pull on the chain in worry or fear, I want to vent it all out but I can’t most times for fear of being exposed, which would be unwise as a plan for survival.

I want that high road, I need it. I try to not step onto the lower road, I give my gratitude for having what is here, it could indeed be worse. I try to conduct myself in a manner that impedes or hurts no one, but nothing is perfect of course.

I’m also no fool in knowing much work is to be done and even if I had all the basics and even more I’d still have so much to do before I’d feel honest in declaring this life to be lived rather than mostly being a waste.

So I am grateful, I am loving…I do even choose myself even though in some ways I’m very much a stranger to myself, especially when it comes to acceptance and love for that man which I admit may take time as I’m kinda new at that and the weather has been pretty rough lately.

Which roads are you on?

Do you ride the curb this season, do you choose to take the best path you can?

We all step off the road at times, but what is your ultimate destination?

Can you give thanks for the road regardless, can you be so free as to feel this upcoming holiday season, actually feel it rather than just saying it or worse still, trying to buy it?