This is the time of year when we forget about “ghosts and goblins” and focus on Thanksgiving. I have learned that the more I know about things God blesses me with, the more thankful I can become. Let us see if we can learn something together!
When people put us down, does it send us into depression? I believe the Lord has given me four insights that will help put me on a new road that will bring a lasting joy, and maybe some happiness as well.
It is a fact of life that we are going to be hurt by others! Those hurts will leave scars that will affect how we think, act, and relate to others. The deepest wounds I have experienced have been caused by rejection. Most of humanity have felt the same pain from a parent, spouse, friend, or sometimes even from strangers.
Sarcastic barbs, put-downs, belittling comments, criticism (even when it is true), gossip, and ridicule are all potent weapons in the arsenal of rejection. When we are hurt, the tendency is to strike back, to exact revenge, and to get even!
Not all of us lash out when we are attacked. Some of us worry ourselves with resentments. We turn the hurt inward and attempt to suffer silently. But, nursing a grudge never hurts the offender; it only hurts the one worrying – the offended.
So what should we do when we are under attack? Withdraw into a shell, hide in a cave or cove, isolate ourselves from humanity, and say, “I will never allow another person to hurt me again!” Definitely not! We can make a different choice. We can choose whether painful circumstances will devastate us or direct us to a new pathway.
It is unavoidable; we will have to deal with critical people! But dealing with other people effectively is one of the most important things any of us can learn in this life. After we have mastered it, we are about 95% down the road to finding a lasting joy.
So, how do we handle the people who put us down?
First, remember we cannot please everyone! We are all aware that not even Jesus pleased all the people all the time! In fact, He not only lost Judas from the 12 disciples, but He had lost “many of His disciples” before that event. Since we know that the perfect Son of God could not please everyone, how do we expect to accomplish that feat? In fact, it was the religious people of His day who crucified Him.
You have probably noticed that even God cannot get the weather right! While some of us are praying for God to send rain, others are praying for sunshine. Doesn’t it seem a bit foolish to attempt to do what God cannot do?
Second, realize we do not need others’ approval to be joy-filled! We live in a society where we do not get a whole lot of approval. People do all sorts of crazy things trying to win a smile from someone who is too cold or nasty to even give one. Remember, we are as “joy-filled” as we choose to be. We may not be able to always be as happy as we wish – things may not go the way we want them to – but we can be filled with joy!
So, refuse to play the game. Do not waste any energy trying to convince un-pleasable, disapproving people that you are the great person that you know you are. The problem is not with you, but with their personal insecurities.
Third, refuse to retaliate! Striking back only lowers us to the naysayer’s level of immaturity. Instead, try praying for the other person; this will help both of you.
The moment we retaliate, we give up control of our life to the person who angers and hurts us. “You make me so mad!” is an admission of control. What we are truly saying is, “You have power over me to determine how I feel!” Learn to be the “actor” and refuse to be the “reactor”.
Fourth, refocus on God’s view of who we are. Holy Scripture teaches us that God says we are lovable, capable, forgivable, acceptable, and valuable! Remember, we are so valuable – worth so much – that God sent His Only Son to redeem us! Jesus believed us to be so important that He died for us! Now, whom are we going to believe – our critics or God?
Most of us need to learn how to erase some tapes in our minds! Most of us are replaying hurtful statements made years ago – statements that were often not even true. My sister, Elaine, will still not eat a banana because I told her they were the most fattening fruit – because I wanted to eat that last one (50-55 years ago). The way to erase those tapes is to affirm what God says about us – lovable, capable, forgivable, acceptable, valuable, etc.
To a large degree, our self-image is influenced by what we believe the most important person in our lives thinks about us. That is why choosing emotionally healthy friends is so important. It is also why we must make God our best friend! Since God loves us, and we love what God loves, we do not need the approval of un-pleasable people. We can cope with critical people.
With this in mind, I am sure that our Thanksgivings will be much better – even if the “mother-in-law” is coming for dinner!
