I am aware that Father’s Day was last week, but I believe there are lessons for all dads that should be good not only for new fathers, but to help us older fathers remember our goals as dads.
The first thing we need to remember is to love our wife! Childbirth is a traumatic experience for any mother. Hormone changes, weight gain, physical discomfort, and even stretch marks make her feel self-conscious and insecure. Love your wife verbally and physically. Say, “I love you,” often. Compliment her looks. Encourage her when she feels down. Hold her hand and kiss her. Take her on date nights as often as possible. Remember, a loved wife is a happy wife, and a happy wife leads to a happy life.
Secondly, help her! After a long day at work, we want to come home and relax, but resist the temptation! If your wife stays home with your child, she has also been “at work” all day. If she works outside the home, she has had a long day too. Either way, she needs your help – “you strong man”! Take your turn to feed and change your baby. Clean the dishes, the clothes, and the house, and cook supper – do not do just a good job, but a great job! Become super-dad!
Thirdly, embrace the mess! Child-rearing is a messy process. Dirty diapers, drool-soaked bibs, leaky bottles, baby cereal spewed all over the high chair and floor – what a mess! The mess never leaves until the baby does! Your routine will change. Fishing will have to be set aside at least for a while, just like sleeping through the night. Kids will mess with your schedule, but never resent the mess, embrace it! Be active in your baby’s life at every stage. When they smile and coo at you, fall asleep in your arms or on your chest, or say “Dada” for the first time, you will know the mess was worth it. That kid is your mess, so be proud!
Fourthly, pass the baby around! Raising a child will be exhausting. That is why God created grandmas and grandpas, sisters and brothers, aunts and uncles, friends and neighbors, and church families. They are your divinely created support team. Never be afraid to ask for help, and always remember to say thanks when it is given you. Allow those people to be your child’s coaches. Your baby will get his primary love and affection from you parents, but he is also learning to interact happily with others. It is never too early to teach your child to love others.
Fifthly, be the man! Babies never need much. Basically, they sleep, eat, poop, and cry. Oh, one more thing: They watch you. Long before they understand what you are saying to them, kids learn by observing what you do. So start thinking what kind of example you want to set for them from the moment they come home from the hospital and never stop! Be the man you want your son to become. Be the man you want your daughter to marry! And, most of all, be the man you promised your wife you would be at your wedding. One of the best things you can do for your children is to love their mother. How you relate to her will shape your children’s life in profound ways.
Sixthly, remember you are raising an adult! Successful parents always remember that every child is supposed to grow into adulthood. It is more important to teach character than to simply correct actions. The characteristics of honor, honesty, hard work, and all the others must be taught at the earliest possible age. Parents who are trying to make their child the “poster child” will find that what was cute at age 2 is mortifying for the parents at age 16.
Seventhly, celebrate often! I remember when our oldest son played T-ball. His first game, we went to Tastee Freeze and got ice cream because he almost hit the ball and almost got to first base, which meant he almost got his first home run! I am not one that believes every child should be an “all-star” or should get a trophy, but I do believe that it is very important for us as parents to teach them how to have fun by being allowed to play the game. When playing a team sport, neither team “loses”; one comes in first and the worst the other team can do is be number two!
Eighthly, take them to church! Going to church reinforces that God must be first in everything in life. Sending kids to church says to the child, “church is only for kids and old people”! But, when they are taken to church, parents reinforce the principles taught in church and allow the church to help them teach character development. Church connects you with a social network of people who value God, marriage, and family like you do.
Finally, trust God! If the news media is right, we have a lot to be worried about. This is a dangerous world we live in. We have more opportunity for crisis than we do for success if Fox News is our guide. Being a dad is teaching me to trust God. I do not know what our children’s future holds, but I do know Who holds their future. I am trusting in a God who can help make our pathways straight and believe it will pay off, not only for my kids, but also for my grandchildren and leave an example for years to come.
Trust you had a Happy Father’s Day!
