How often do we say the wrong thing? We are trying to be helpful, but the words that come out of our mouths are not the ones we thought we were formulating in our brains! I pray continually that the Lord will put a watchman at the door of my lips so I do not embarrass myself or damage His kingdom!
Often we say the wrong thing because we simply do not know what we should say. We never truly understand exactly how others feel about any situation, no matter how similar our experiences. Sometimes we say things that are out of bounds because we are thoughtless or insensitive with whom we are talking.
Even we who are Christians blunder through relationships. We often act like bulls in a china shop – though unintentionally – we can barge through our connections with others, leaving broken pieces in our wake. And often, we never even know what we have done!
Damaging words can be unintentional or even misinterpreted, but they also can be exactly what we intended to say. The Bible translators of The Message render Colossians 4:6 thusly: “Be gracious in our speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down.” It pays to be aware of this. Humor is usually a good thing, but it can also sting!
As I ponder this article, my thoughts are on our friend, Bro. Bill Reeves, who we have just celebrated his “home going”. If one couple simply follow Bro. Bill and listen to how he interacted with people, we would learn – first hand – how to speak healing words. It made no difference to Bro. Bill, whether he was taking to a “down and outer” or an “up and got it all together-er”, he could always find a way to help them feel good about themselves. He complimented the little things that most of us never notice and lifted the spirits of those most of us would simply have allowed to pass us by without giving them even a glance. I have learned that one of his High School nicknames was “Smiley”, and Bro. Bill truly gave special meaning to that thought!
Here are a few ideas that can keep us from being clueless perpetrators of verbal offense:
Be loving. Care about everyone you interact with. Remember, care is what you give innocent babies or infirm grandmas. Think about how what you are going to say will affect that other person. We have been taught that love is what we share with our enemies; how much more should it be shown with those we dialogue.
Be considerate. This means to consider your words before speaking, and put their feelings above yours. Speaking hastily or thoughtlessly will often be the words that we wish we could eat and now speak. Consider the other person’s situation and their feelings before you speak.
Be informed. This does not mean to get in on all the gossip. Some pride themselves with knowing as much about others’ business as they do their own. Instead, we should have a genuine interest in people. Are they having a rough time; then share tenderly and casually. Are they angry; then a soft answer will defuse them. This will barricade against many clueless insults.
Be humble. When exalting or benefiting yourself is not your first goal, the other people in your life should thrive from their contact with you. When most of your sentences began with “I”, an attitude adjustment is probably in order. The smallest package in the world, I have always been told, is when we wrap ourselves in ourselves! Allow your interaction with others to be “the other person” centered. Truly, life is much better when you allow those around you to shine – and it takes a lot of pressure off of your having to carry the “lime-light”!
But, what should be our reaction when we are on the receiving side of a potentially hurtful message or the “butt” of other’s jokes?
Give the benefit of the doubt. Simply refuse to be insulted! No matter what is said, refuse to “build a fence” or take offence! Take what is said or done in the most positive way possible. God’s Word teaches that nothing that another does to us personally will offend us. When we attempt to “defend ourselves” we give the other person the idea that we are somehow guilty! When we refuse to strike back with the similar spirit, we defuse their insults. Even when the meaning is crystal clear and there is no way to take it positively, return a soft answer and defuse sting – speak truth back to them with a heart filled with love.
When we take the time and effort to build positive, Godly, loving relationships with the people in our lives, the outcome will always be exemplary of our Lord, Who always spoke words that healed!
