Another year has come and gone, a new beginning, as some might say. New Year’s resolutions begin to come into effect; the spring semester for school is already here.
Seems so new and different. New? Maybe, depending on what you’re wearing or trying to change. Different? Not really, just a new year to make better choices and better goals. Which also boils down to realization of past mistakes and learning from them.
Because, as I have gone through the drug treatment program here at the females unit of TJJD/TYC, I have come to the realization that the greatest gift I have received is one that my parents gave me: the gift of their unconditional love, a set of values that they actually lived and didn’t just lecture about, the understanding between the simple difference of right and wrong, and that my life would have ended a long time ago if I would not have gotten myself in the place I am in today.
Before I came to this realization I was…horrible, in simple terms. I would lie, steal, and do pretty much anything to get my next fix.
At first it started off so innocent – smoking the occasional bowl or hitting the occasional joint now and then. But, it seems like I started smoking bowls more often and taking a couple extra hits off of the joint. That soon turned into me rolling for, not only others, but buying and rolling for myself. Then it went from just smoking weed to popping pills that I didn’t even know what would do to me, and from there it just got worse and worse!
I went from smoking the occasional bowl with some “close friends” to hiding in the bathroom with a baggie of dope, a lighter, tinfoil, and an unused syringe shooting up meth into my veins! I was one of the worst teenage drug addicts in Calhoun County!
I went from making straight A’s in all of my classes to not even attending school anymore because I couldn’t even function on a daily basis without my fix!
I regret every day what I have done that used to get me the feeling of “relief” with no more pain or depression. But that same pain soon began to take control of who I was. I was no longer myself! I turned into this monster that was never there at the beginning of my drug use. I had lost total and complete control of myself!
Every time I shot up, I would always shoot a little more than “usual”, hoping and wishing that it would finally kill me this time so I wouldn’t have to go through the pain anymore. And every day it was the same hope, the same wish, until I finally got the help I needed to help get me off and keep me off the needle.
I hope by me sharing some of my experience using drugs I can awaken a lot of teens who have used and who are still using. Because you may think you know what they’re about, but you will have absolutely no idea until you’re face to face with death, who is pulling you one way and your “friends” who are pulling you the opposite way just to keep you alive, not for your sake, but for theirs! So, before you tell your families goodbye for the night, just remember what consequences drug come with: Jail, Institutions, and Death!
I’ve chosen who controls my life. Now it’s your turn. Just remember to choose wisely before it’s too late!
Local incarcerated youth and recovering addict,
Dallas Fowler.
