For those who love the philosophy of ambiguity, as well as the idiosyncrasies of English, please enjoy and understand the following:

1. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

2. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

3. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

4. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

5. Is there another word for synonym?

6. Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”
7. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

8. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

9. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

10. If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

11. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

12. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?

13. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

14. One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.

15. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

16. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?

All-volunteer effort celebrates 25 years of caring for the Texas coast

The 25th annual Texas General Land Office Adopt-A-Beach Spring Cleanup will take place Saturday, April 30th at three sites in the Victoria area.

“Bring the family and let’s go clean the beach,” said Jerry Patterson, Commissioner of the Texas General Land Office. “The Adopt-A-Beach Spring Cleanup is a great time for a great cause, and has been since 1986.”

The Adopt-A-Beach Program is one of the most successful all-volunteer efforts in the nation. In the past 25 years, 406,000 Adopt-A-Beach volunteers have picked up more than 7,900 tons of trash from the Texas Gulf Coast. And thanks to a generous $50,000 donation by Shell Oil Company and Motiva Enterprises LLC, Adopt-A-Beach will celebrate its 25th anniversary by reaching out to even more beach lovers.

Volunteers may register on-line for the Spring Cleanup at www.TexasAdoptABeach.org or at any of the check-in sites beginning at 8:30 a.m. Saturday, April 30th. Each volunteer will be given data cards, gloves, pencils and trash bags. All volunteers are advised to wear closed-toe shoes, bring sunscreen and plenty of drinking water.

The Texas General Land Office Adopt-A-Beach Cleanups are held rain or shine!

To learn how you can participate, or for additional information on the Adopt-A-Beach Program, please visit www.TexasAdoptABeach.org or contact the GLO at 1-877-TX COAST. Those interested may also become a fan of the program at www.facebook.com/texasadoptabeach where event details and results will also be posted.

Who: Hundreds of Texans who care about the coast

What: 25th GLO Adopt-A-Beach Spring Cleanup

When: Saturday, April 30

Registration begins at 8:30 a.m. Clean up will be from 9 a.m. until 11:00 a.m.

Where: Three sites in the Victoria area:

1. Magnolia Beach/Indianola – Calhoun County

Check-in: Crabbin’ Bridge

Contact: Rhonda Cummins, 361-552-9747

rhonda.cummins@texasadoptabeach.org

2. King Fisher Beach, Port O’Connor—Calhoun County

Check-in: Pavilion at King Fisher Beach

Contact: Debbie Gayle, 361-552-3200 (daytime) or 361-983-4647 (evening)

debbie.gayle@texasadoptabeach.org

3. Austwell Pier—Refugio County

Check-in: Austwell Pier

Contact: Dwight Mutschler, 361-286-3762

austwellredfish@texasadoptabeach.org

Are you ready to rock the bay front and see talented musicians perform at Shrimpfest 2011? The battle begins at 1:00 p.m. Saturday, June 11, 2011. Buy your vote for your favorite band for $1 per ticket. From those tickets TWO contestants will be drawn and have a chance to play to win a New Truck valued at $25,000.*

The results of Battle of the Bands and door prize giveaways will be announced Saturday evening at 10:00 p.m.

Go to www.SeadriftChamber.com for Battle of the Bands Rules. Battle of the Bands Prizes:

1st Place $2000.00

2nd Place$1000.00

3rd Place $500.00

Win a Truck for a Buck is brought to you by Port Lavaca Auto Group.

* Must be present to win.

Interim Chief Appointed

Seadrift’s Chief of Police, Roger Tumlinson, presented his letter of retirement to the City Council at a special meeting on March 29. Chief Tumlinson has served in the Seadrift Police Department for seven years and has been Police Chief since 2006. His retirement will be effective April 15, but his last official day on the job will be April 2, as he is due two-week’s vacation time.

Mayor DeForest and Council members accepted his letter of retirement, thanking him for his service and noting that his tenure as Chief has been marked by great communication between the Police Department, City Council, and the citizens of Seadrift.

The Council voted to advertise to fill the vacant position, and to appoint an Interim Chief until the position can be filled. Chief Tumlinson presented several options to the Council on filling the Interim position, noting that an Interim Chief can legally be appointed for one year; this Interim Chief would not have to be paid a Chief’s salary; and that an officer must attend the Police Chief school before officially becoming a Police Chief, and there are currently no openings for said school. One option would be to contract with the County Sheriffs Department, but the downside of that is that there would be no personal interest in the town and that any ticket revenue would go to the County, not the City.

The Chief recommended that the current part-time patrolmen be given full-time positions until a Chief can be found. He noted that since Mr. Frank Cervantes and Mr. Chris Driver have been on the force, crime is down 50%. The two patrolmen have been thorough about checking doors, issuing citations, and making arrests, including one drug-bust. There has not been a single complaint against them, only compliments.

After speaking with Mr. Cervantes and Mr. Driver, Council voted to appoint Frank Cervantes as Interim Police Chief, with Chris Driver continuing on the force until the positions are officially filled. They can, of course, apply for permanent positions. Mr. Cervantes, who has been staying part-time in Seadrift, will immediately move his residence to town.

Frank Cervantes has been in police work for seventeen years and has been working part time in Seadrift for almost one year. Chris Driver formerly worked as a jailer in Victoria, and began working part-time as a Seadrift patrolman in December.

In related business, Council voted to set monthly salaries for patrolmen and Chief. These were set at $2,400 minimum and $4,000 maximum for a deputy and $3,000 minimum and $4,500 maximum for a chief. These are based on a 40-hour work week, not including benefits.

Chief Tumlinson, who will be staying in the Seadrift community following his retirement, said he would be pleased to help the two officers (at no charge to the City) as a consultant, or as a reserve officer, should they need back-up.

Do you have a family member you would like to memorialize in our Memorial Day issue?

You are welcome to submit photos/info of your deceased loved one who served in the Armed Forces.

Deadline is Monday, May 23.