I know that the Dad is the head of the house and the bread winner of every home – supposedly, but the truth is that in many households, maybe in most households, the Mom is the one who holds everything together. Especially now with the breakdown of the nuclear family, there are probably more children living without their Dad in the home! We could write about that problem easily, but I wish to focus my attention for now on practical ways Mom must “pull up her big mommy panties” and get busy focusing on the children that she helped bring into the world.
With the fragmentation of the families and transience in our society, young Moms often live across the country from biological relatives who could help provide basic answers to questions about life, especially when it comes to questions about child raising. There is not a single Mom anywhere that does not wish from time to time for someone else to make some of the major decisions for them. Never be afraid to admit that you do not have all the answers! Each generation has its own unique set of problems, but many of the answers that Grandmother would give will be the right answer for today, because human nature has not changed!
One of the biggest problems I see in child raising today is that parents, whether by two-parent households or single parents, see their task as “conduct control”. Most of the time in the disciplining of children, the task of correcting conduct is the main, if not only, consideration. I readily understand the need to insist that little Tommy act right at all times, but just how long is Tommy going to be a child in comparison to how long Tommy is going to live? Adolescence would be long if it lasted for the first eighteen years of a child’s life! Therefore, I believe that it is much more important that “character development” be the main goal of parenting. Take the basic civil characteristics and work hard at helping the child develop these: honesty, friendship, respect, honor, community caring, kindness, humility, fairness, persistence, and purity (and you can add to this list as learning situations present themselves in the lives of your child).
Moms, learn to accentuate your strengths and minimize your liabilities. I have never been a big fan of telling our youth all the “sneaky little tricks” we did while maturing! I believe we will give them new ideas and every child has enough ideas of their own. Remember, mischief is bound up in the heart of each child, said the wisest man who ever lives. Even your children know you were not a perfect angel when you were young, but I have never seen the value in providing the details of our misguided traits.
I do not believe that it is a lie to accentuate your strengths in order to help your children realize that they can reach far greater goals than they can imagine. Most children fear failing, so our stories of heroic deeds can let them know the advantages of the DNA they got from you. Never allow a mystical character or a comic book star be the only hero your child ever knows!
Moms, invest some time in yourself! Allow your child to see that having children is not the end of our development. It is okay to go back to school and get another degree. Very few Moms do not feel guilty about the time they take for themselves, because often they feel that time could be better spent caring for their child. If one has ever heard the safety briefing the flight attendant provides before the aircraft leaves the runway, they understand that if that little nose cup falls from above their heads, it is always important that they get their air mask on before they help the child with his! When a child sees their Mom taking time to study, it will develop better study skills in them. The same principle is true about the other things every Mom should be teaching. Allow the child to see you “live it out” and the formal teaching of those characteristics will take much less time and energy.
I often see what I consider to be extreme child abuse in our culture. Every one of us is keenly aware that some day we will face God. We all know that none of us are going to remain on this planet forever. I know that some will say that I am beginning to preach here, but, Mom, if you have no time for God, for prayer, for Bible study, for church attendance, ie. for a personal relationship with your Creator through Jesus Christ, do not be surprised when your child wants nothing to do with Christmas, except the presents, and nothing to do with Easter, except Easter egg candy and Cathy’s cinnamon rolls! To fail to help prepare your child for eternity is truly cruel and unusual punishment!
Invest time in a younger Mom. I have been a certified parenting instructor and yet I have never seen a book to help a young mother with her important life questions like another Mom coming alongside her and being there for support and advice. I especially like it when I see Grandmothers take a personal interest in not only their girls, but in their daughters-in-law. The personal recipes and practical feedback that can come from the years of experience are invaluable to helping our families develop properly. I may be way too old fashioned, but I still like the idea of Moms moving in with adult kids to help – and am still appalled at adult kids who still believe their parents owe them a living!
Older women teaching the younger Moms how to love their husbands and care for their children is not just good advice, it is Biblical! When we impact the lives of others on purpose, we celebrate their personal growth, their emerging spiritual maturity, and their growing confidence.
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY, Mom! I truly believe that you have the toughest job on planet earth, and please know that we pray for you! Children are God’s gift to us and we will treasure them and help them become all that they were created to be!
