Well, here I am again, ready to try and quit smoking for the fourth time in my life.
Strangely enough, the idea fills me with apprehension and fear, even though from the past experience I have in the matter I know exactly what I’m up against.
Three days till the nicotine is out of my system, probably quite a few weeks on the patch, and tons of battling the psychological components of smoking that are most likely the hardest element of quitting to experience.
There will be those strange dreams where I’ll sneak a cigarette in some surreal scenario, then wake up with that phantom feeling of guilt that will come with it.
I’ll have to arm myself like I’m preparing for a war, which I will be. Cinnamon gum and coffee stirrers to keep my mouth feeling busy, holding pens and pencils in my hands so they do not feel left out and of course answering the constant question of: “What do I do now?”
Because cigarette smoking kind of cements itself in our lives.
Stressful day? Cigarette.
Bad news? Cigarette.
Bored? Lots of cigarettes.
Thing is, despite the actual physical addiction lasting just three days time, it is the habit itself that makes it so hard to quit.
The cigarette when you wake up, the one after you have eaten, the one before you go to bed and the ones when you can fit them in while working. They all give our brains a dose of ‘rewarding’ chemicals that makes it feel relaxing, peaceful and desirable.
For the most part it is an illusion, whether you believe it to be an illusion of an addict’s mind or one that is ingrained into a person by repetition, which is usually the cause and solution to most of the things we wish we could change about ourselves or the world around us.
So the battle becomes much less with tobacco and nicotine than it does with those inner voices and thoughts that allow us to continue our bad habits, even if we know those actions are taking a toll on our bodies or our mental health.
I personally have quite a few medical reasons to ditch tobacco for good, from hypertension to major circulation problems. I also have a really good friend who means a lot to me whose own medical issues have been intensified by her smoking habit, but like many even this kind of data does little to help one’s choices, such is the hold these kinds of things can have on you.
So like many things, the first part is admission that yes, you are a fool when you wake up and light that first cigarette and start coughing like you have a terrible cold. You are being quite obtuse and are not practicing self-care when the doctor chides you for lighting up even one more time. You have guilt realizing that the money you are spending on this ‘old friend’ of yours is draining money you do not have and even costing you more money down the line in terms of health costs and insurance coverage.
So what is one to do?
Well, if one is lucky enough to have a newspaper column then one can put it in print, a contract made in the public square of publishing and declare it loudly that the next time you read this space I will be free of the chains of tobacco for the fourth and final time.
Anyone else out there care to join me?
Feel free to write in with your own struggles or success story and if enough responses are collected I will even dedicate a future column to the subject matter.
Additionally, anyone seeking help and resources can email me at: thomasspychalski@hotmail.com
